Of myself, ambition and reality.

I was intrigued by the idea of blogging some time ago, but only now I start . I am not sure myself whether anything led me to this, but I don't think any justification is needed. However, I realized I had ideas, tonnes of it, and it would be nice to share and be corrected. As some of my friends might know, I am rather a one sided person. A science person, a person that loved physics and perhaps happy to spend a lifetime to understand the nature and creation of Allah. I am in a different class, not all rounded, far from all those geniuses, scholars and top scorers. This blog would focus on, but certainly not limited to, discussions on developments of physics, physical reality, axiomatic problems and maybe a few philosophical thoughts.
Having laid down some introduction of myself, it is rather helpful to say something about my personal views on life. Recently, I was struck with realizations of reality, what is it that I want to achieve. What I want to do in my life. I looked back, thought about the past and present. During times of schooling, my peers and I had this obsession of studying for the sake of good results in examinations. Or rather memorizing for examinations. We didn't set out to understand the world, to get most from it, to know what Allah created for us. Instead, we memorized and practiced how to answer questions, for our aim was good results in examinations and scholarships etc. Then, when it mattered, I failed. Putting me far behind everyone in terms of achievements. It threw me into terrible times, but of that we shall not discuss. It suffices to say because of that, I had reexamined the reality, the meaning of achievement, the meaning of it all. I was lucky to be given a new hobby, that was appreciating physics. At times where my understanding of success was still worldly, I hoped to study physics as means to have success, to have the chance to enjoy the taste of victory and to get away from the agony of defeat. When in course of my study, I learned that the world is very mathematical, everything falls into order as described in the Koran. The more I learned, the more I see the reality of nature. The more of things described in the Koran. It brought me pleasures of discoveries (especially after starting to inquire the nature myself) and also made me feel small, for the realizations of the wonders and the beauty of nature as created by Allah. It was enough to persuade me to devote my time, as a slave of Allah and temporary occupant of the universe, understanding the nature, as it was encouraged by Islam. However, until recently, I concentrated entirely on this pursuit, but with some feeling for worldly recognition. It was a poem by the magnificent astronomer, mathematician and poet Omar Khayyam that diverted me to avoid those wanting of worldly ambitions. These phrase changed me and made me look myself at the time when I was at high school as idiotic and naive;
"Both thou and I are born alike;
Though some may sink and some may soar,
We all are earth, and nothing more."
This phrase made me think, as what Omar Khayyam thought, of the futility of life. The nothingness of it. This world has nothing beneficial, except following the Koran and Sunnah. We shall die and return to Allah one day. I was ashamed and humiliated by myself, for all my stupidity and worldly ambitions. From then on, I know what exactly I suppose to do with this life given to me.
Summing up, I gave some views and experiences that defined myself as a person. I realized that I am not a good person, especially a Muslim, and I will try to be one (but I know it could never be done, as no one would ever be perfect). My views may be different and some might criticize, but notice everything, all the criticism, are addressed to myself. Because you arrived to this sentence, with due modesty I thank you for your attention. I welcome any constructive comments and of course, any corrections and criticism.